The site has begun! Spread the evil.
B becomes the most common member of the week
Promotions and Demotions:
P "The Sold His Soul On An Internet Site" R has been promoted to 004. B "The Social Misfit" V has been promoted to 002. E "The Untouchable" C is new member of the week!
The "100 Ways To Kill Rishi" website has begun!
Evil Inc. purchases sweatshops in Thailand and up wages but 100%. Workers now get two grains of nibbled and soggy rice.
Evil Inc. executives, realising that the FBI have already been bought out by Russia (and are now being puppeted by ex-president Boris Yeltzin) have bought out the crooked and under-funded KGB to join the Evil Incorporated ranks!
Evil Inc. buys out failing games company 3DO after realising that their new game, "The Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse" can be used to communicate sub-liminal messages to young children.
Evil Inc, after an investigation by the CIA, admits that it was directly involved with rigging the elections and allowing President Richard Nixon to come to power. Reports claimed that everyone who voted for Richard Nixon was, strangely enough, named Richard Nixon. Now that really is strange... is'nt it. ISN'T IT (said under breath: remeber, we can easily get the crooked Metropolitan Police to come and pay you a little "visit" in the night).
Frech President Jaque Chiraque admitted today to a freind (who we bribed to carry a secret camera) that the French invention, the LED (once thought of as the Light Emitting Diode) actually stands for Law Enforcement Diode, used to spy on English and American students so that French schooling and knowledge can always be one step ahead. Curse those sneaky, wine-making Frenchmen.
As well as our new self-proclaimed member of the week, Anthony "The Fifth Horseman Of The Apocalypse" Martinelli, Evil Inc. has decided to form a new monthly (instead of weekly) title similar to member of the week......(drumrole please)..... Psycho of The Month!
Our first psycho of the month is: B "The Social Misfit" V for continually showing that he is insane and has some serious issues!!
100 visitors to the site! Evil has spread throughout the internet like the rumour of the PS3 including a toaster!!
In recent news, our newest poet laureate, Andrew Motion caused an (and you better believe this) "English Uprising" when after reciting the famous lines from Macbeth, he was shot by an *cough* UNKNOWN passer-by in the head. Experts are baffled.
Evil Inc. registers new trademarks, all of which can be seen on the Evil Inc. members' page.
Evil Inc. has uncovered disturbing new evidence... rearrange the letters in Tony Blair and you get Y NOT B LIAR!!! We think this is a clue to his personality....
On a similar note rearrange the letters in sliced bread and you get edible cards! Why are we saying this even it has nothing to do with Evil Inc? I DON'T KNOW.
In a story relating to the death of Mr Andrew Motion, with the help of Evil Inc, the government has appointed a new poet laureate. I introduce to you: Mr E.VIL
" I am errrrr originall fvom sveden, that is why my surname is Vil" he said in a recent press conference. Edwin Vil also mentioned about the title of his first famous poem (all his others were kind of "low key and dirty" if you get what I mean): "Vote For The Tories and Be Shot", his second "Nazi Supermen Are Our Superiors" and his third " Let's See How Many Assasination Attempts There Have Been On Bush So Far (work in progress)".
Meet our new recruits the tribesmen of the Amazon rainforest!! Do not be fooled by this comical picture human, they're more deadly than even some sort of double winged flying monkey can imagine..... Yup, selling Ville's soul in return for they're help was reeeeealy worth it, wasn't it.
After buying out "The Happy Go-Lucky Elves Corporation" and turning it into "The Evil Schitzophrenic Teenage Hobgoblins Corporation", Evil Inc decided to split its company into several Evil sub corporations (for easy management and to aid the already created B.A.D.D.I.E.S. corporation). Each corporation will be announced in our next news update along with their senior (sub) presidents. However, we reiterate that each of these will be run by Evil Inc and their presidents will work under Evil Inc.
The new Evil companies are as follows: Painful Media, Death By Shoes Productions, Ikillyou LTD, Microgin Corp., Twisted Dolls Creations, and the upcoming company who's website seems to get thousands of hits a day and who have already written the brilliant book, Suicide For Dummies, I_need_to_end_my_life_now_kill_me!.net
This is particularly surprising because the address is so long. i would have thought they would have killed themselves already before they typed it in....oh well.
***Groundbreaking New Research***
Evil inc. has finished conducting research into one of the great mysteries of life. "What is it?" I hear you ask (yes, I can hear you through your computer screen.) We all wonder what happens when we close the fridge don't we?!? Does the light reeeally go off?!?! Well, none other than everyones favourite weapon of doom, The Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse, investigated this. He climbed into the fridge and emerged two minutes later to inform us that the light does indeed go off. Who said we never tell you anything useful?
